What is love bombing?
Love bombing refers to the intensive bestowal of affection in the early stages of a relationship, aiming to impress the other party, evoke romantic feelings, and create a sense of indispensability. However, when the recipient of this excessive attention begins to feel emotionally entangled and unable to detach, the instigator of the love bombing behavior starts exerting control over their lover's life, molding it according to their desires, which leads to the recipient feeling disoriented, uncomfortable, and losing a sense of self within the relationship.
What causes love bombing?
Individuals who exhibit love bombing behavior have underlying causes originating from:
- Anxious or insecure attachment style in a relationship: The persons harboring this attachment style have deep-seated inadequacy and fear of abandonment. Often doubting their self-worth, they try to fill that void by seeking someone they can control for emotional props.
- Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), low self-esteem, and trust issues: These issues may manifest as a desire for strict control and stability to eliminate anxiety about future uncertainty.
These behaviors can play out consciously or unconsciously. For instance, individuals who outwardly display positive conduct and have no intention of harming others may still harbor deep-seated feelings of insecurity within themselves. Consequently, these behaviors may manifest extemporaneously in relationships.
How many stages does love bombing have?
Generally, the behavior of love bombing consists of three stages:
- The Idealization Phase: Individuals engaging in love bombing strive to captivate their partner's admiration by treating them like a prince or princess, creating love and warmth as if they had met their dream partners. This phase initiates a sense of attachment and engenders a sense of value through the behaviors exhibited by the doting party.
- The Devaluation Phase: Once the recipient of the love bombing has fallen into the love bait, the initiator of the love bombing starts to gain control over the individual to respond to their feelings of insecurity. For instance, they might insist that their partner spends as much time as possible with them, even discouraging them from socializing with friends. This type of individual may resort to manipulative tactics, such as making the partner feel guilty, issuing threats, or even using physical harm to compel their partners to conform to their desires.
- The Discard Phase: Once the recipient of the love bombing attempts to assert their own identity, making it difficult for further control, the initiator of the love bombing decides to terminate the relationship. When this happens, the recipient may be confused, devalued, and convinced that the end of the relationship is their fault.
Warning Signs of Love Bombing: What are they?
- Rushing to lock things down: In healthy relationships, progress tends to happen gradually, with both parties taking their time to get to know and understand each other strengths and weaknesses. However, individuals engaging in love bombing often rush the pace of the relationship, pushing for rapid development to a point where the other party may feel overwhelmed. For instance, they might want to become significant others after only a few weeks of knowing each other, express a desire to build a future together, discuss marriage, or even plan to have children despite not having a solid foundation of mutual understanding.
- Giving Excessive Gifts: Individuals engaged in love bombing often shower their partner with gifts, even when unnecessary or undesired. Frequently, these gifts can hold significant value, causing the recipient to feel indebted, considerate, and more inclined to comply with their wishes in the future. This indebtedness can lead to a sense of losing one own agency and identity, as one may feel obligated to comply with the desires of the love bomber.
- Invading personal space: Individuals practicing love bombing tend to consistently monitor the whereabouts and activities of their partners, often to an excessive extent, including checking their locations, inquiring about their company, and even displaying jealousy when their partners socialize with friends. They may also attempt to dictate how their partners spend time, expecting them to prioritize the love bomber above all else. In cases where their partner communicates discomfort or dissatisfaction with these behaviors, the love bomber might be emotionally down in the dumps, leading the partner to feel guilty and eventually acquiesce to their wishes.
- Excessive Expression of Affection: Individuals of this nature often uses the love word liberally, showing excessive affection and lavishing sweet words without a justified cause. For instance, they might refer to their partner as a soul mate or a long-awaited other half even when their mutual understanding and familiarity are still in their early stages.
Love bombing: insecure psyche manifested as an intense and hasty display of affection.
The relationship with someone who engages in love bombing can initially feel like a dream come true as they lavish you with love and attention. However, as time transpires, they may become distant, indifferent, and controlling; the relationship whiplashes leave you confused, guilty, and questioning your self-worth. When the person who initiated the love bombing decides to end the relationship, those on the receiving end often experience heartbreak and may even exhibit symptoms of depression, such as feelings of worthlessness, despondence, and emptiness. If you identify with these symptoms, it is advisable to consult a physician specialist for treatment and re-cultivation of mental well-being. Preparing yourself for a new chapter of genuine love in the future becomes possible once you address these challenges.
